I'm not kidding when I say: "This is going to be the best night of my life!"
Tonight, we’ve decided to take a step further.
Diana and I, we are going to conceive a child!
To be honest, I am quite excited.
Questions like: "Is this life all we have? Where do we come from before we are born?"
are circulating in my head.
...And also "Is this the right time?", "How will it affect our marriage?" and, no matter how profane it may sound "Do we have enough funds to raise a child?".
I keep reminding myself: we are all born with more time than money, and die with more money than time.
Actually, all of this week, since we had decided it was about to happen today, I was scared as hell.
I felt like a teenager hiding my fear from Diana - always trying to be the best I can, and then somehow always ending messing up and failing.
I even caught myself thinking - what if this sense of being a failure grows stronger in my bounding with (in my mind he/she already existed) child?
At that exact moment when I was literary "stuck"...
As Diana later described it: "went numb in the middle of cooking paella and stared blindly trough the kitchen window at the empty playground")
All I knew - hanging on these thoughts felt desperately alone.
All of a sudden I felt pulled back into reality by two arms embracing around my chest and a warm arousing whisper in my ear. It was Diana. Somehow she new. Or felt, I don't know...
Here is what she said:
"We live in a hard world where our basic needs cost money, and as we get older we become responsible for the basic needs of others. But be not afraid - one look at ocean or sky can give the conviction that there is some natural tendency toward the formation of structure in the physical world."
And all of a sudden I felt a relief... I don't know why, but I felt deep down inside, that I can always depend on Diana to tell me the answers to some of life's most controversial subjects.
And that was the moment I understood:
Making love cannot destroy love,
it only makes more love.
<3
